by Pastor Will Lohnes, ACBC & IABC Certified Biblical Counselor
I get it; this article will bring some heat. Understood. But this topic needs to be addressed.
I have been in the ministry for over fifty years. I started as a part-time counselor and assistant program director at a camp. Then I served as a youth pastor in a growing church, and finally as a church planter. I was not trained or mentored for any of these—save the camp work—and I had a lot of problems. I really can understand why no one wanted to mentor me. I would not have wanted to mentor me. But that is not the point. This is: Of the thousand men I’ve counseled, shepherded, mentored, or preached to, I can count on one hand the number who were mentored before we met. That reality is just wrong.
When I became a counselor, God brought the only mentor in my life that I was to enjoy. KC took me under his gracious, humble, wise, and consistent wing, offering kind rebukes, encouragement, and ready laughs. More than his words were the life he lived in front of me—filled with swift nods of "be careful" to strong statements of "well done," all delivered with godly and gracious support. To this day, fifty years later, I still consider him one of my best friends and at times evaluate a situation with, "I wonder what KC would do." He made truth come alive with wisdom, love, and justice in how it was applied and in what to do in specific situations and with specific people.
I grew up in a professing Christian home. My uncle served as the pastor of the church and my dad as the chairman of the deacons. I knew from an early age what would get me a quick spanking at church from my dad and a stern rebuke from my mom. And back then, any member of the church had the right to spank any kid. We all knew each other. But when I was a junior in high school, away at boarding school, I read a letter from home telling me that my home was now broken; my dad was separated from the home and my mom was alone. I lost my identity with the family. I didn’t know who I was or what the future held for my lonely soul. I was away for the rest of high school and college, graduated and walked alone, and plenty of people told me what to do. But only one showed me, walking the short path with me.
I earned a master's degree in theology and another in divinity, and neither brought mentoring—just indoctrination: Listen to the facts. Learn the facts. Regurgitate the facts. Then I worked in counseling and program development at the camp.
Later, a godly man who would become my father-in-law asked me to serve as a youth pastor at a growing church of 500. On the first day of my youth pastoring work, he gave me the only ministry mentoring in my life, which lasted twenty seconds. Here it is—don’t blink. He said, "You’re responsible for the kids and teens, and I’m responsible for the adults and church. Don’t screw up, and don’t do anything stupid. Got it?" And he turned on his heels and walked out of my new office. That was it, for five years in youth pastoring.
I preached at the church, even led and pastored a service for 300 college kids who came weekly after the official service. I received no mentoring, no shepherding, no instruction—nothing except, "Just don’t mess up."
At the beginning, I loved the church. I knew most everyone and enjoyed the fellowship. But attendance grew to 1,200 people within five years and I no longer felt I knew anyone except the teens. I came to dislike pastoring and no longer desired to be a pastor because I could not even hope to help that number of congregants. There could be no mentoring, pastoring, or shepherding because there were too many people attending and dispersing before our eyes blinked.
When I then accepted a pastorate in Hawaii to replant a church of thirty members, I fell back in love with the church because the experience was intimate—I knew the people, walked with them in their spiritual life, and we worked through difficulties and problems together, not alone. Biblical counseling became a significant part of the ministry, with Scripture as the means of addressing their problems. From there, I planted two churches in Ohio and a final one in South Carolina. Still, no one mentored me during those years; I was the one looked upon as the shepherd, so that’s what I tried to do as best I could.
Something was developing in the American churches. Huge congregations of five to ten thousand (and more) were developing, and people were being ushered in and out like cattle, given Sunday food to last the rest of the week. The role of pastor became the preacher, delivering excellent sermons, but no shepherding. Men began to choose preaching, not pastoring. That shepherding duty was given to assistants, associates, and others so that the church could account for people. Here’s a story to prove this viewpoint. A very well-known pastor in California was a good friend of my father back in seminary. So, with plans to visit his church, I asked for an interview. Typically, he did not give interviews, but because my name was the same as my father's, whom he recognized, he agreed—thinking I was my father.
When I walked into his office, he expected my dad. Seeing me instead, he laughed with surprise, and we began discussing ministry. Halfway through, he said of preachers, "You need to commit to at least thirty hours a week, every week, to prepare for preaching the sermon." I asked when he had time to be with the people and he said, "That’s not my job; I’m the truth guy. I study for the Sunday sermons." Watching the preacher for forty years, he held to his belief, which had led him to build a huge megachurch in which the preacher did not personally pastor or shepherd the flock.
My brief time with him was very encouraging and profitable. The church even interviewed me to serve as their next youth pastor of 600 teens, since that was what I was doing in South Carolina. But after some consideration and evaluation of God’s gifts and leading, I humbly disagreed with the mega-church, preacher-only belief, which then clarified the course of my ministry philosophy. I was not seeking to build a huge church but to love and pastor the flock God gave to me.
After fifty years of ministry, I still believe that the one who stands up and preaches the Word (2 Timothy 4:2) must also be the one who walks the path with the flock, the coworkers, and the needy (Timothy, Titus). Paul did not just preach; he mentored, shepherded, pastored, and oversaw the lives of several men and women (Romans 16). In the call to ministry, a man must be both the preacher and the pastor of the flock. As such, I have not spent thirty hours a week in sermon preparation, written scores of books, traveled to speak at conferences, or developed biblical commentaries. All those opportunities presented themselves, but I was led down another path by a commitment to the flock that God had called me to.
There was a day in my early ministry when I was traveling to several places to preach the Word, teach biblical counseling, and share ministry philosophy. These took me away from the flock I pastored. So, I stopped accepting the invitations. After declining four invitations, they stopped coming, and I was fully focused on the sheep God brought to the church.
I ask you to study the New Testament examples of Jesus, Paul, Peter, and John, noting their focus in ministry. Yes, they all preached to whoever would listen, but they all were constantly mentoring, pastoring, and shepherding the individuals God brought into their lives.
Jesus had Martha, Mary, Lazarus, Zacchaeus, the woman at the well, the inner circle (Peter, James, and John), nine additional disciples, the seventy-two preachers sent out, the hundred and twenty, the five hundred, and finally Saul.
Paul had Timothy, Titus, Gaius, Priscilla, Aquila, Phoebe, Tertius, Quartus, Erastus, Lucius, Jason, Sosipater, and others.
John had his beloved children (1 John 2:1, 12, 13, 18, 28; 3:2).
Peter told his elders to "shepherd the flock of God which is among you" (1 Peter 5:2), noting Silvanus and Barnabas's cousin John Mark. All of these demanded direct, purposeful, mentoring care.
Yes, you may have to limit the size of your church by multiplying and dividing it while keeping a hand in mentoring and pastoring. I do not find a single example in the Bible of a preacher who did not also have a pastoring duty and was involved in mentoring. In fact, Paul and Barnabas split over this very issue, after which Paul later acquiesced and asked John Mark to come to him, as he was profitable for me in the ministry (2 Timothy 4:11). Paul chose not to mentor John Mark, while Barnabas showed confidence and grace, acknowledging patience and purpose, took John Mark to Cyprus, and formed a ministry that lasted beyond his life (Acts 15:36–41). Barnabas mentored John Mark, and Paul reaped the benefits. Paul took Silas and began the second missionary journey, which led to multiple ministries after their division.
There are several difficulties when attending a church where the preacher is not the pastor. First, the preacher’s weakness lies in sermonizing, studying, and pontificating without the balance of cleaning sheep, getting dirty with their foolishness, and holding them accountable with love and grace. He can stand up and teach the Word four times a weekend and go home to prepare more.
Second, hearing congregants’ pain, seeing their tears, holding their fears, and walking alongside the weak and broken believers who are depressed and discouraged is not an option for him. He becomes like a seminary professor of what I call the "data dump," doling out the truth without the love of a pastor and the impact of the sheep’s weakness. This is like being a parent who provides and protects without any relationship or communion with the kids. Or the husband who impersonally leads the wife by taking care of physical needs but not spiritual or social needs—in essence, living with a stranger.
Third, on the other side of this decision to only preach is the sheep. The church flock is often denied personal pastoring, and they learn not to want true, vulnerable pastoring or shepherding because these bring real accountability. The result is a rejection of honest and kind confrontation and mentoring, which has become uncomfortable for the sheep. They like good sermons, meaningful worship time, and plenty of programs and fun—but sitting down and talking with someone about spiritual matters, not so much. A big church is their first choice because they can fulfill their duty as attendees without growing in sanctification before God.
I am not saying that everyone who goes to big churches does not want to grow spiritually. I’m saying it is much harder for congregants to dig in when no one is mentoring or pastoring.
Fourth, because they are not being mentored, they evaluate and decide how to handle relationships, circumstances, and problems without interacting with someone who knows them, or without receiving counsel from a biblical and personal perspective. All the examples of Jesus, Paul, John, and scores of others are denied by both the non-pastoring preacher and the non-pastored audience.
In reality, I’ve watched several senior preachers of large churches commend their church to be involved in small-group ministries, but they will never go to one themselves. They encourage biblical counseling, even write books and teach on biblical counseling, but are never involved with it themselves. Their response is, "I’m mentoring the other shepherds who mentor." How do they know what their particular sheep need, what their conflicts, battles, and failures are, if they’re isolated from them? Every church is different, and its needs are specific to the church. Lack of pastoring is not healthy for the church. What’s given—a very good sermon, a fancy program of worship and activities—is all good except for the soul, which needs shepherding.
So, what’s the history of this type of church? When the celebrity preacher retires or passes away, most often there’s not an individual ready to take the helm because the "big guy" was always in charge. The well-known pastor in California told me that he "wanted to die in the pulpit while preaching." So, what happens? Chaos, frustration, and the weakness of such leadership and example are finally revealed and confrontational. So sad.
Pastoring a flock is harder on the soul than studying for a sermon to preach to the flock, but both are needed. When I sit down and shed tears with a member of the church over a matter I cannot change or control, my soul is exercised and depleted of compassion and concern, necessitating a walk with God. This is pastoring, and it tenderizes the sermon on Sunday morning.
If my assistant does the pastoring, his soul is stretched and sanctified as he sits in the pew, listening to the perfected words of the preacher who is weaker in the heart yet stronger in the voice. It is pastoring that deepens the sermon in real human interaction, which is more than just Hebrew and Greek interlinear explanations and clarifications. Knowing how to pronounce the right original word in the text will not give sanctifying grace for the soul that is discouraged, confused, and possibly depressed. That is for another article.
Don’t miss the truth: Choosing to be changed and corrected by shepherding and pastoring is the more difficult decision one makes when he walks the path of ministry. So, how does this thought process evolve in the heart of a pastor? An answer that may be true, occurred for me in seminary. I would later learn and postulate now that some of the seminary professors were not successful pastors and shepherds but came back to teach after challenging ministry experiences. Those who were successful pastors became a gold standard for students to imitate and follow.
When one goes to seminary to learn ministry, he is filled with ideology and theology, with very little practice or experience. The best and brightest students often continue their education, achieving advanced degrees and learning deeper truths. Then, by invitation, they return to train and teach all they have learned to the next generation with very little interpersonal mentoring and shepherding. Those pastors, trained in "data dump" preaching, come from high educational backgrounds. They have spent years learning linguistic nuances to share with the congregation, adding to their information but not to their sanctification.
In Ephesians 4:15 Paul states that we are to speak the truth in love. How does one love his congregation when he does not know who they are? We cannot love an individual without first knowing the person. Love is dependent on knowledge. I believe this to be an absolute for our relationships, pastoring, mentoring, family, and marriage. I have been married for thirty-eight years and sometimes feel as if I’m just now learning who my wife and five kids are as I learn more and more each year and in each circumstance.
So, a young man comes to a church to lead the congregation, which demands that he learns who they are so he can love them without trying to change or control them. God calls him to love them as himself, for they are his neighbors. This requires his intention to understand them as they both walk the path God has laid out for them all. All too often, though, man’s desire or purpose is to use the congregation to multiply, numerically grow, as that is the goal and passion rather than love.
A question I have often desired to ask pastors as they begin their ministries is, "If God told you that your church would never grow beyond 100 people, but there would be love, grace, and joy throughout the congregation from the shepherding and caring provided by leadership and by members to one another, would you accept the pastorate?" Seventy percent of churches in the United States have under 100 attendees. So, seventy percent of the pastors have answered that question with an initial attempt or acceptance. May they be content with loving and caring for their flocks in the pursuit of God and His blessing.
A significant part of pastoring is counseling. In fact, every pastor ought to be a biblical counselor, for they have given themselves to the study of the truth of God—the basis for life, maturity, and wisdom. I have often heard pastors say, "I am not a counselor." What? Then you are not a pastor, for every pastor who seeks to mentor and care for the flock will and must counsel the flock. Yes, there is giving of truth in the sermon, and that is right and good, and at times, it must be taken to the personal level and made practical for the individual walking a path he does not understand. Hearing a congregant’s questions and giving biblical answers is part of the pastoral responsibility and duty. One cannot instead say, "Come to church and I will speak to this issue sometime in the future." No. He must listen to the heart and soul of the individual, asking questions to make sure he understands the problem. Pastoring is to dig into the individual’s theology, which is impaired somehow on this problem, and then correct the theology, making it more biblical to the person’s understanding and benefit. That is pastoring!
Both preaching and pastoring are needed in the church for the sheep who are coming. We cannot, must not, study all week to preach a sermon and forget or put aside spending time with the flock to walk their path with them. Jesus walked with the people, teaching, mentoring, and shepherding, and so did Paul. The questions I have for preachers, not pastors, is this: "Why do you not want to spend time with the sheep? Why do you not want to know their pain, sorrow, confusion, and conflicts? Can you love them without knowing them? I wonder how our wives would feel if we did the same—loving them without knowing them. This would not work very well.
Another aspect of pastoring well is mentoring the next generation to face the trials and difficulties they will encounter when we’re gone and in eternal bliss. While we enjoy the presence of God in our heavenly abode, there will be men and women existing here and seeking to extend the kingdom of God. Are they ready? Are they being prepped for their ministry? Do they have the courage to confront the world with the gospel because they were taught and told how to do so, not just expected to lead without lessons?
I’m in the last lap of ministry, and the burden God has laid on my heart for our church is to ensure that all of us are mentoring and caring for the next generation. Do they know how to witness? Are they equipped to explain the Word of God clearly? Have they been discipled to lead groups of people in understanding and obeying the Word of God because that is what they are living out in their lives? Are their relationships in good order and balance? Do they know how to counsel, study, preach, love, and listen? Can they teach others how to worship the Lord with openness and honesty? What is the focus of their lives? The passion of their hearts? And the strength of their souls? All of these will be tested by the future problems and pressures coming into their world by the evil one who seeks to destroy and disfigure the spiritual well-being of the next generation.
Do they know how to plant a church? Do they know how to develop a church? Can they bring biblical medicine to a sick and dying church to recover and seek the Lord and His strength (1 Chronicles 16:11)? This is so very important that we ought to be singing it every day from the rooftop of the church to remember what we did not have or enjoy and consequentially made so many mistakes.
I realize this sounds harsh and condemning, but it’s not meant to be; it’s just an honest evaluation of why we have people with tons of knowledge living lives that do not display godliness, kindness, and graciousness to the needy world and the faltering church.
Please take the time to consider what I’ve shared and ask God what He would have you do with those all around you, needing wise and insightful truth placed in their hearts and souls. They do not know they are needy. You must tell them and show them that there are situations that require thought and biblical truth to navigate their paths with hope.
As I was writing this, I received a call from two young men in their thirties, asking for ministry mentoring, biblical counseling, and honest evaluations of their lives, seeking direction and correction. One single, one married with a family, and both seeking to serve the Lord. They asked, "Will you meet with us once or twice a month and teach us lessons you’ve learned in ministry that we do not know and must learn?" Neither attend our church, but they will be ministering for the Lord when I’m dead and gone to glory.
"Yes," I said. "We’ll figure out the time, twice a month. Check your schedules and let’s do this!" Do I have the time and energy? I have to do this. Both will probably lead a church in the future, souls will be on the line, and lives will be in the balance.
Come on, brothers and sisters, we have work to do that requires our time and effort. God will be pleased to develop His men and women through us to counsel and equip the next generation.
____________________________________
Have comments or questions about this article - either directly for FSM or the author? Use our contact form to submit any input confidentially:
____________________________________
If you are Veterans or a friend/family member of a Veteran and would like request our counseling, please use the link below:
If you are a counselor and would like to join our network, please use the link below:
Join the FSM Biblical Counselor Network
If you like what you've read , sign up to receive quarterly newsletter articles and updates via email - or SUPPORT our mission by making a donation, even $10 per month can make a huge difference and allow us to grow our counseling and spread the word of God!
Donate Now - One-Time or Recurring Monthly Donations!
