Looking back now on the whole suicide attempt, or should I say looking back on all the crazy things that Ha’Shem (God) brought me through, this book barely scratched the surface of everything that I’ve been through. But there is just no way that I did all that, or survived all that, on my own. The only reason that I am here typing is because of the Creator’s Love, Mercy, and Grace that were and are with me the whole time, and as a spiritual felon I do not deserve one bit of mercy. Usually, the Most High Creator and Father of all souls allows men to make choices according to the responsibility of free will, the ability to choose between good and evil, right and wrong, allowing the consequences to play out. (Touch a hot stove and you get burned.)

My military career is not above or more notable than any other veteran’s. On the contrary, there are thousands of military testimonies much crazier and more interesting than mine. What sets mine apart as unusual is the fact that the Father’s will actually intervened supernaturally, canceling my will to die, and gave me life more abundantly, contrary to what my sentence should have been. Another way it could be said is that God’s permissive will usually allows folks to commit suicide if they wrongly choose to, but in my case His perfect will said, "No. This soul shall not die today." 

So, this now brings up a question of why. Why would my life be spared when approximately 17 veterans willingly choose to commit suicide every day without the Creator intervening to stop them? In 2007, the year that I was supposed to die, more than 6,000 veterans committed suicide. Since September 11, 2001, 114,000 U.S. military personnel and veterans have committed suicide, more than four times the number that died in combat. How am I any different than those 114,000? Why was my life singled out and spared among so many? We can rule out that I am more righteous or more special because I am not. I believe it comes down to purpose, not merit. The Lord created me for a purpose. His perfect will commands that a certain specific purpose be accomplished, and I will do it. It must be noted that my natural dad and others were used as instruments of love in this miraculous salvation process, which was orchestrated overall by my Heavenly Father.

Looking back more than fourteen years after this divine miracle, I don’t see any major accomplishments on my part. I did not find a cure for cancer or anything, for example. I live a relatively simple and normal life. I mostly raise goats, sheep, chickens, and so on, and volunteer at a food pantry and other ministries like Enfocate Foundation. I was encouraged to get a science degree in horticulture and renewed my EMT license, but nothing noble or outstanding. 

However, on a spiritual level there have been some changes. My soul and spirit ended up going through a Hebrew conversion, which I see as one of the most beautiful and exciting things that I have ever done. Some would say that this is completely contrary to the Brit Ha’dasha (new covenant), but in truth it brought me into the kingdom, the correct and original way that they did it in Acts of the Apostles. A plant will reflect what it is grafted on to, and theologically we are supposedly grafted into a Jewish King and Hebrew God. All I have to say is that you better learn how to say "Shabbat Shalom!" and to love others.

by Mark K. Miller

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