by Janice Del Valle, USAF Veteran, FSM ACBC Phase III Candidate
While serving in the US Air Force intelligence unit, we received a directive in October 2011 to review all of our training programs. The point was to ensure that nothing could be construed as derogatory toward any religion. My unit trained new military intelligence trainees on many aspects of the job, including motivations that drove terrorist activities. The review was concerning to me and many of my colleagues. Training an intelligence asset to be proficient in their job would be difficult if we were required to gloss over the motivations behind murderous terrorists’ actions.
We dutifully reviewed our materials, and to my knowledge, we did not remove or change anything in our area of responsibility.
The following fall, 2012, on the anniversary of 9/11, the American Embassy in Benghazi was violently attacked, as you may recall, killing four Americans. The onslaught was the subject of the biographical film 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi.
The Obama administration quickly denied that the assault was a planned, coordinated terrorist attack. They blamed the deadly incident on spontaneous protests that had erupted in response to a viral anti-Islamic video posted in July on YouTube .
Culling through available information after such an event in the Middle East generally takes days to pinpoint what exactly happened and who was responsible. So, the administration’s rapid response appeared to me as a lie. But the intelligence community, sworn to secrecy, had no recourse to refute the administration’s assertions. We had to wait for the truth to come out later.
Those were my thoughts as I approached twenty years of military service. Instinctually, I blamed every negative event in the military during those years on the current respective administration. I experienced overwhelming anxiety, feeling unprotected and out of control, and believed that my leadership didn’t "have my back." Dwelling in anxiety was a primary factor in my decision to retire as soon as I became eligible rather than extending my enlistment.
In the intervening years, I continued struggling with anger over the many events that occurred during my final four years of service. I bore great personal resentment toward the president and secretary of state, blaming them for my anxiety. I avoided the news, political discourse, and any mention of the events because such discussions fueled my anger.
During my research for this article, I found that some of my assumptions from that time were faulty and based on my lack of information. In retrospect, I saw that I had relied on my own understanding rather than acknowledging God’s wisdom and leadership (Prov. 3:5-6). As a result, I had lost my way. My pride led me to wholeheartedly trust in the validity of my own "expert" assertions, accepting those as facts. Consequently, I lost faith in the leaders God had appointed over me, and I harbored resentment against them.
Regardless of how I felt about our leaders at any given time, the truth is that God had appointed them over our nation for His divine reasons. As Daniel 2:21 reminds us, God "changes times and seasons; He deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning" (NIV).
Likewise, Proverbs 21:1 tells us that "the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever He will" (ESV).
Despite how much I disagreed with an administration and policies, I needed to trust God that my future was in His hands, not the decision-makers in Washington, DC.
Since beginning my training four years ago to become a certified biblical counselor, I have come to see that my overwhelming anxiety was not the fault of a nameless, faceless bureaucracy. My ruling apprehension was the result of a worship disorder. I had put my faith and trust in my country, my leaders, and my military service, and they let me down. Of course, they did; all organizations are comprised of sinful humans who cannot make perfect decisions—as God can—for the good of all people under their control. Our God is "The Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just; a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He" (Deuteronomy 32:4, NASB 1995).
The man and woman who trust in God have no doubts that He will do the right thing and that His decisions will be sound.
I’m now in Phase 3 of the ACBC certification process—and six months ago, I permanently discontinued the anti-anxiety medication I had been taking for the past twenty years. Although I had tried many times to get off the prescription and had periods of not taking the pills, that was my refuge. Whenever adversity struck, I always picked it up again.
By the grace of God, the transformation I’m serving to help others achieve through biblical counseling has also been taking place in my own life. I now find refuge in my Creator and God alone.
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
—Psalm 121:1-2 (NASB 1995)
by Janice Del Valle, USAF Veteran, FSM ACBC Phase III Candidate
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