Fallen Soldiers Ministries has been approached by Navy Seal Team members to write for FSM's Quarterly Newsletter when inspired, time allows and anonymity is protected. They will use the pseudonym "The Chief".
This is their seventh contribution and we look forward to their future contributions.
by "The Chief"
The primary failure point in our nation over the last century has been the family. Satan wisely attacks—not the soaring heights of a society but the foundations. Family is the foundation of any society, and marriage is the family’s foundation. If Satan deconstructs marriage, the nation cannot stand. This is why he effeminizes men and masculinizes women—the same tactics he used in the garden that are still at work millennia later.
Satan feeds women lies of oppression and tempts them with the allure of self-determination, preying upon the curse God laid on the female gender: "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" (Gen. 3:16 NIV).
Then, when the woman believes the lies and she’s enraptured by all the edicts of feminism, Satan emasculates the men, telling them they can have sex without responsibility and spend their hours in entertainment, avoiding the pains and stresses of conquering and leading for the sake of the kingdom. In essence, he says they can also escape their portion of Eden’s curse: "Cursed is the ground for your sake; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. . . . In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for dust you are, and to dust you shall return (Gen. 3:17–19 NKJV)."
I’m no marriage counselor, but I do think the greatest way to restore the will of God is to adhere to His Word. So, follow me into the glory-soaked pages of the Old Testament where we’ll find the God-intended gender roles displayed beautifully in two people who lived centuries apart.
Men, I will start with us.
I could easily point to heroes we always want to imitate: Joshua, Ehud, David, Nehemiah, etc. But in my opinion, the greatest example of how a man should interact with his wife (aside from the example of Christ and His church) is found not among kings or prophets but a simple barley farmer. I’m speaking about Boaz.
When we first meet Boaz, he isn’t married. He’s the owner of several fields and oversees workers and servants. What’s more, he’s slightly older. We don’t know his exact age, but context clues show us that he’s not among the typical youthful age of matrimony. This tells us several things: Boaz is not forcing himself into a relationship; he is patiently waiting; and while he waits, he’s working. By the time we meet him in the second chapter of Ruth, he has already established for himself a reputation of honor by how he treats his employees (Ruth 2:4). This is the first piece of advice anyone, male or female, should be given when it comes to finding a mate: Be the type of person that the spouse you desire will be drawn to.
Boaz’s first interactions with Ruth are not flirtatious whatsoever; we don’t even see if there’s mutual attraction. Rather, Boaz does what he’s always done, conceivably: He shows kindness to the downtrodden—he compliments Ruth’s honor (Ruth 2:11). By his simple statement he shows Ruth that what speaks to him is not her beauty or youth; it’s her character. He doesn’t compliment her looks. While women do want to be perceived as beautiful, what they need more so is to be admired for their person: their relationship with the Lord, their loyalty, and their kindness.
Next, Boaz provides for Ruth with no strings attached (Ruth 2:12–17). He sees her needs and meets them. This returns us to his reputation. We can’t know his motives besides the common goodness he’s shown to all. But I think from things he says later that he’s not intending to make advances. His kindness to Ruth flows from who he is as a man, not from some special interest.
After Boaz reveals the quality of his character to Ruth, he demonstrates his capacity to provide for her. Notice, he’s not bullish in his behavior; he allows God to work throughout the rest of the harvest season. Boaz knows from the outset that another next of kin is before him in position to marry Ruth (Ruth 3:12). He adheres to the law of God over his own desires. He could very well have ignored the law and taken Ruth for himself, but instead he was committed to pursuing her God’s way.
This is how we are to lead as men. Our role is to put our wives and families in the best position to allow God to be at work among us. Ultimately husbands lead, but we are led by Christ. We don’t just arbitrarily make things up and mold the house after our own image. We build the home according to what God has directed.
Once Boaz understands Ruth’s situation, and that it appears that God’s will for them is to be together, he goes to work. As Naomi said, "The man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day" (Ruth 3:18 NKJV). Boaz is a man of honor, a man of his word, and a man who knows how to work. Once God makes a way for him, Boaz runs headlong and addresses the problem at hand. He does not shy from responsibility or confrontation. And here is another point: Men aligned with God’s will are always men of action. We should strive to be like Boaz, every bit as much as we dream of being like Joshua and David.
Ladies, it’s your turn. One of the best examples of a good wife in Scripture (and there are many) is Esther. This beautiful, young Israelite maiden is taken from her home and wed to a pagan king. Before we think of the elevation in her status, let’s consider the difficulties. A more domineering and chauvinistic situation could scarcely be conceived for a marriage. Esther was forbidden to speak to her husband unless he called for her; she had no control over her own home; she undoubtedly shared her husband with a royal harem; and pagan kings did whatever they wished with their wives. We see this with Vashti in chapter one of Esther. Such difficulties would surely override the comforts and status of being a queen.
Women, allow me to posit what I believe is one of the key lessons Esther teaches us: Your power is in your femininity. The lies of Feminism have taught women to address men as men do—with aggression, competition, and domineering behavior. To defeat the patriarchy, women have adopted all the horrible traits of worldly masculinity. As an example, look at professional female mixed martial arts fighters. At press conferences they get in each other’s faces and insult and threaten one another. They beat their chests, proclaiming their own glory and power, then resort to pushing and shoving. This is degenerate masculine behavior, far from appropriate for females.
Our movies are filled with "girl boss" heroines who fight, cuss, don’t need rescuing, and are adamantly self-reliant. They need neither men, teammates, nor God. This is deplorable. The behaviors ignore the true power our Creator gave to women: Your strength is in your gentleness and your grace. The behaviors of these character traits break through the hardened shell of a man and disarm him with peaceful loveliness.
Esther was no doormat, and neither should you be. Notice that when she has real, tangible problems with Xerxes, she doesn’t come into the throne room aggressively. She doesn’t burst into the court with a nagging rant, yelling "I am your wife! I am a queen! You will not treat me like this! You’re ignoring me! You’re out gallivanting with Haman and not consulting me!" This is how an immature woman (or man) would handle it: by challenging the king.
How does Esther conduct herself? With grace. She cooks a meal for him (Esther 5:4), which immediately breaks through the domineering, chauvinistic, tyrannical mind of this pagan king. I can hear the feminists groan as I say this; but hear me out. She disarms him with elegance and respect. There is no defense against pure, loving grace. Though he certainly doesn’t deserve it, she feeds him and serves him. Then she waits for the right time.
For Esther, the matter at hand was certainly pressing, but she allowed God to direct the timing. If you purpose to bring a request to your husband every time you do something appreciative for him, he will be on guard whenever you show affection, completely spoiling your gesture. For whatever reason, Esther decided in her wisdom that the first go-around wasn’t the proper moment to make a request of her husband. Maybe she saw that Xerxes was irritable from work. Perhaps she sensed he was tired or distracted. Whatever the reason, Esther didn’t force her issue on him at an inopportune time. Rather, she lavished even more grace: another meal (Esther 5:8).
Then, when the king is so disarmed by her that he can hardly help himself, she boldly presents her problem—and he hears her attentively (Esther 7:3–6).
A meal is only one example of how to reach a man. My wife often comes to me in gentleness and with respect, which affirms my position as leader and her trust in my decision making. Then she airs her problems. When I see that she is lovingly committed to me in submission, how can I not hear her? My very soul longs to respond with love. All my strength is for her in those moments, and I would give her far more than half my kingdom.
These two people, Boaz and Esther from the pages of God’s Word, display so well what is missing in today’s marriages, and thus, what is needed in our society and churches.
Men need to step up and be honorable, acting in God-given strength and humility, providing for the weak, and caring for the outcast and downtrodden. Husbands need to provide for their wives, assuring her safety and listening to her concerns with understanding and patience.
Women need to embrace their true feminine beauty, bestowing grace on their husbands’ blunders, not discussing his flaws with their girlfriends. With the respect owed to his position (and weighty burden) of authority, she needs to show gratitude and voice her concerns.
After all, husbands, you are loving Christ by loving your wife. And wives, you are submitting to Christ by respecting your husband.
A home that conducts its interactions according to the blueprint God has laid out for us will be a delight and will lay the foundation for a strong marriage, family, and society.
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