by Cliff Beard US Army 7th Special Forces Group, Epilogue by Mike Ruff, USAF COL, Retired, ACBC Certified
While spending over three years in combat, I developed the attitude of a warrior, serving in the greatest Armed Forces in history. I was ready to die for my brothers and sisters in arms. Through many trials in my time, during many patrols and raids, I did what I was trained to do. I am proud to say that I felt my best and most purposeful while serving my country at the intersection of mission and purpose. I know in my heart that the flag I wore on my shoulder brought hope to others who needed it. By God’s grace, I did not die in combat, although I came close.
One particular day stands out among many others. While providing reconnaissance for a mounted patrol, my medic was struck by an improvised explosive device (IED) on his motorcycle. I was riding alongside him, and I did what I was trained to do. I ran into the big cloud of dust and found him saying, "tourniquet, tourniquet, tourniquet." I ripped a tourniquet off my kit and applied it to his right leg, where he had suffered an above-the-knee amputation. His femur and kneecap were totally exposed, and he was losing a lot of blood. I made sure the tourniquet was tight and took my helmet off to prop it up in the hope of stopping the blood loss. Only moments had passed, and another teammate showed up and applied a tourniquet to his right arm, which had been amputated below his elbow by the explosive.
After what seemed like an eternity, a MEDEVAC helicopter arrived, and we carried him on a stretcher to the aircraft. I don’t know why, but I kissed him on the forehead before they flew away. Onboard the aircraft were two Pararescue men (PJs), who attended to his injuries and performed a live-saving procedure called intraosseous (IO) that provided IV fluids. Thanks be to God he is alive today, and God has blessed him with a home thru the Gary Senise Foundation. He has a beautiful wife and two children.
After he flew off that day, we assumed there were many more IEDs in the area. We were in a sense trapped in a complicated ambush with no one shooting at us. After we gathered his motorcycle and equipment, we attempted to move our convoy back to the firebase when one of our partner forces hit another IED in a HUMMWV. He was dazed and confused but did not suffer severe injury. We eventually made it back to the firebase that day after calling on a nearby engineer unit to clear a path for us with specialized equipment, but they were also blown up a couple of times. Needless to say, it was a long day, and thoughts of what lay in the future loomed over our team.
Although a member of our team was injured and we had been targeted and ambushed effectively, we needed to get back to our mission. We needed to get back to combat patrols. I volunteered to lead a foot patrol and chose the additional duty of sweeping for IEDs with a mine detector ahead of everyone else. There were a lot of younger infantrymen attached to our team, and I wanted to show them that aside from the combat we had experienced, we still had a job to do and a mission to complete. Before I took my first step, I quietly prayed for the first time in my life for Jesus Christ to protect me. I was ready to give my life for my team, but by grace thru faith I gave my life to Christ.
I survived that patrol and the rest of the deployment. After coming home, I struggled with what I had experienced, and that led to what a lot of combat veterans experience in the sadness, anger, and other emotions that somehow aren’t reconciled by things of this world. We seek out of things to comfort us, things that may be different for everyone. Veterans such as me have turned to alcohol, drugs, fast cars, motorcycles, and many other things, trying to fill the void left by violence and the ensuing trauma, and trying to find that sweet intersection of mission and purpose again.
In time, I sought to fill this void with faith in Christ. As I began to follow this path, I learned I still had to be willing to die, although it was a different kind of death, for "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20 ESV). Yes, I was ready to die in Christ Jesus and leave all that I had experienced, all the pain and all of the worry and anxiety upon Him on the cross. In doing this, I have found that the life I now live is much more challenging and more fulfilling than my previous life.
On February 6, 2021, I volunteered to attend the Mighty Oaks Legacy program. I was challenged in a far more difficult way than I had ever been challenged before. Through the testimony of other men and their path to faith in Jesus Christ, I learned that I would become part of the most elite selected people in the world when I gave my life to Jesus Christ. This was a free gift, but I needed to die to my sins, accept Him in my life, and be born again and live in Christ. As Paul says in Philippians 1:21 (ESV), "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
After graduating from Mighty Oaks, I began working with Mike Ruff of Fallen Soldiers Ministries, where I am receiving biblical counseling and gaining an awareness that I have a new mission and purpose: growing in my salvation and maturing as a Christian man.
Friends, I believe many of us struggle, especially as combat veterans, because we were at our peak when we were in the arena of combat. We had arrived at that intersection of mission and purpose. Our identity was fulfilled, and we prospered by completing harsh training and deploying to face the enemy in extremely challenging environments. Now that those days are over, we often struggle with the past. I am especially aware of this as I am writing this article just before Memorial Day, that holiday during which we reflect on the sacrifice of our loved ones who did not return home to us.
But now, we have a new mission and a new purpose in Jesus Christ. A mission to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:12–13 ESV). A new purpose to die to our old ways and to live for Christ: "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 2:20 ESV). I am so thankful He found me, and He gives me all I need. I emptied myself and everything I was carrying around onto Him.
What does this look like in my life today?
Before trusting my life to Christ, intrusive thoughts about the day my medic was injured happened every day, multiple times a day. I experienced anxiety attacks and was letting fear rule over my life and my household. I struggled with the identity and confidence of being a Green Beret. I am still proud of that accomplishment, but now know that I have a much more fulfilling purpose in Jesus Christ. I know now that when I experience a challenge, I can pray and seek out answers to life’s problems in God’s Word. In seeking out answers in Scripture, I learned that "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). I am learning about proper alignment in the Christian household, placing God first, and how to shepherd my family. Through my regular church attendance, biblical counseling, fellowship, and staying in his Word, God has produced fruit in my life. My family attends church with me, and recently my son gave his life to Christ.
Men, are you ready to die? Are you ready to "cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you" (1 Peter: 5:7 ESV)? You are not broken, without hope. You are not lost, because He is looking for you, and there are answers and hope in His Word.
If you are looking for that mission and purpose you once loved . . . if you know of someone who needs a compass check and needs that heavy burden lifted . . . please share the Good News and bring them their new mission and purpose given by the Commander of the Universe—our Lord Jesus Christ!
As a counselor of God’s Word, I meet with people with a wide range of motivations for seeking counseling. Some are looking for quick answers. Some are looking to justify themselves. Others are looking for help to blame someone or something for all their problems. But some come to counseling because they are hungry for God’s truth; they have an earnest desire to seek out and apply biblical principles to their lives. Cliff Beard is such a man.
By the time Cliff came to see me, he had already progressed through the early phases of healing from post-traumatic stress (PTS). Thus, we have not spent much time in counseling working through matters such as how to deal with triggers, intrusive memories, hallucinations, medicating with substances, etc. Rather, our work together has been more along the lines of structuring and focusing his life in a way that glorifies God and fulfills God’s design for him as a husband, father, civil servant, friend, and in every other relationship sphere he has. In many ways, our time together would be characterized as discipleship . . . and those of us who counsel understand that biblical counseling really is just that—focused discipleship.
For the PTS sufferer, I think the longer-term journey is potentially more important than the early stages. Once initial relief comes, a combat veteran like Cliff is looking to answer the question, "what now?" Or as Cliff might put it, how can he regain . . . or redeem . . . a sense of mission and purpose in life? Really, this is what we all want because this is how God designed us, to be workers in His Kingdom (Genesis 1:26–28, now fulfilled in Matthew 28:18–20). For PTS sufferers to fully heal, they must be guided along this longer-term path as they gain strength and learn new life patterns and new ways of thinking and interacting with others. Perhaps we could think of this longer-term phase as a spiritual version of physical therapy.
It has been a privilege for me to walk alongside Cliff these past weeks as he continues to grow in his walk with the Lord. Recently he told me he was starting a Bible study with two other vets and is considering sponsoring them for the Mighty Oaks intensive program. This is the type of fruit every biblical counselor hopes to see. I am blessed to have Cliff as a counselee, but also as a dear friend and brother in the Lord.
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